That old black dog (and a smidge of hobby)

Hey folks,

Well it took a good while to blow the dust of this long neglected blag, But like Jumanji it just keeps resurfacing.

So yeah it's been an interesting year, more ups and downs than a 5 star theme park (see i kept in pg13 right there) a whole heap of hobby wobbles, a lot less hobby work than i hoped and a battle with a dark old dog that many of us know too well.

And that's where i want to start today.
You see the web is full of motivational memes and posts, lots of advice and things to watch out for in friends and loved ones when it comes to that old black dog. Depression.
But i don't recall seeing much about seeing it in yourself and that's what i thought could be raised.

You see like so many other people out there in the hobby world and wider world in general, I have for as long as i can remember fought an endless battle against depression. I hate it like i hate myself when it strikes. But over the years i have come to recognise the signs of it's approach. Learning that has helped me arm myself to fight back against it.
I'm not going to bullshit anyone and say it's always effective because that would be a lie. But it has helped stave off some of the bouts.

To give some context to the whole discussion and post lets skip back through time.

I have and suspect i always will have pretty poor self esteem issues, i can bs this off a lot with false bravado and a don't care attitude. But truth be told, it's real. It goes back to being that kid at school that had a face like pepperoni pizza with extra pepperoni. Sure as i have got older it's got a bit better but there are days where even at 43 years old, i still look like i lost a fight with a wasp nest.
But on my normal and good days, I can wave off the comments and say 'i am who i am'.

Over those 43 years I have had varying bouts of depression the first hit the hardest and was the one and only time i went to see a doctor about it. Working 13 days in 14 and doing 12 hour shifts to try and stay out of financial debt got the better of me and i stood at work ( on the railways) and found myself thinking of how easy it would be to just step off the platform and in front of a train. That woke me up and was that start of a very real battle that still goes on.

I have lost friends to suicide. People say 'how could they, why didn't they get help' You usually know these folks have been blessed with not seeing the old black dog.
There's been personal loss too a couple of years ago the man i most admired in my life (my step dad pat) was taken after complications due to heart surgery.
This year my mum who i wasn't close to (long difficult story) died of a massive brain bleed.
There's been other stuff relation ship breakdowns, not seeing enough of my kids and a million other little pebbles that add to the mental and emotional avalanche. But that's another story for another day.

But as you can see, there's been a mix of the usual over the years.But that's enough of the woe is me.

So how do i see the bouts coming.

Usually the 1st sign is i start to lose interest in my hobbies. I will stop going out to play airsoft, i will lose all motivation to paint or play the games we love.
It's a mixture of several other signs that forces it on. But its usually the 1at real sign. Too tired to play, no belief i can paint, no point in playing etc etc.

The second sign is usually one everyone notices. Health and hygiene. You stop caring about how you look, dress, smell etc. If like me you try to stay fitter than just a couch potato, then gym visits or general exercise goes to the side. Usually that tiredness sign is there again. It's not a great combo as its a noticeable one and not everyone will see it or understand it and some people will comment on it. Which adds into the third sign.

Self hate. People will say things and in many cases they are things that on your good days you would laugh at. But at this point it's usually more like a knife to the gut. Some of the comments will be about the fall is health and hygiene. A lot of those comments will come from one place though. Yourself. As you slip along this road you will start to hear everything people say in a negative way and everything you see as a slight against yourself.
You will see things like your better half being tired in themselves as them just not wanting time with you, or not being bothered about you.

It's about this time that the real mind demons come out to play. Why should i bother, nobody cares, i could go away and nobody would notice etc etc etc.

Its when you get to these points that you really need to try and act.

Now myself. Well maybe it's the stubborn taurean, or the strength learned through military service or just the experience of battling depression, but i have learnt to recognise the signs to some extent.
As i write this i haven't played airsoft in about 5 or 6 weeks. I have struggled to find the motivation to paint though it has come and gone. I have barely lifted a fitness finger since i did a challenge back in September and most tellingly of all. I have mentally been taking everything as a slap.
So i am writing this on the arse end of another attack, but i have realised it's happening (otherwise i sure as heck wouldn't be writing this post).

Now i can't promise the answers, only to try and help you maybe recognise the problem.
When i get one of these attacks i find my answer these days is to go running. I find the quiet time (even in a busy small town) gives me a chance to clear my head, the exercise kicks up a few positive feelings and I can start to fight back.
But that's what works for me. I can't promise it will for you. But do try to find something you can't take a real positive feeling from. For some it's voluntary work, others it's exercise, some it's music (also works for me sometimes) or maybe it's a walk with the dog in hills or woods. But if nothing is helping then please get to the docs and try to talk to someone.

I hope this reaches some of you fighting this horrid fight and helps, i really do.

Now of course this is at it's heart a hobby blog.
I would in even my darkest moods be remiss not to share something hobby related with you.
So here's some of the paint thrown at plastic results for the year to date. Because we all need some plasticrack in our lives!.Enjoy.

New year, new me. No. Well maybe

Hiya folks and welcome to 2019.
Let me start off by saying that I hope everyone had a fantastic festive period, got lots of cool new toys and spent some quality time with family, friends and their hobbies. I also hope 2019 is a great year for everyone.

Me. i got the usual random stuff that the Mrs chooses. Some jokey bits, some ww2/spitfire related bits and of course some hobby stuff. Namely, sylvaneth start collecting box and the aeldari battleforce xmas box. I also got a Drycha from the local GW's secret santa this year. So all good.

But it didn't stop there. I don't know how many of your fine folks took part in the 'Ultimate Warhammer World Experience' promotion. But essentially from November through to the years end, if you spent £150 in a single transaction, you would get a code to enter on the Internet and be entered to win 1 of 75 pairs of tickets for the Experience.
Essentially an exclusive day at Warhammer World in Nottingham with seminars, behind the scenes tours, meet and greets and lunch at Bugmans.
Well you guessed it. Just after dropping my kids home to London, i get a message from the Mrs saying 'OMG! look' with a screen shot showing she won one of the 75 pairs. So on Feb 2nd we shall be enjoying a once in a lifetime (for us most likely) trip behind the scenes of Warhammer World. Now where did i put that spare kidney. Think i will need some money.

Anyone who sees my blathering posts over on ye olde twittersphere, will have seen i have a few plans for this year. Like most one is the good old weight loss and fitness plan. I am still lighter than i was this time last year so Bonus. But i want to trim down by at least another stone. To that end i have been back in the sweat box of a gym for the last couple of weeks and have set myself a target of running 1000km this year. Well 4 days in and 3 5k runs later it's in progress. Will it last. Well there's a plan and a determination. So i hope so. 42 years old. 15 stone in weight. Something has to change and i haven't found a potion of youthfulness yet.

But what about hobby you ask.
Yes...well that old chestnut.
The festive period went something like.... I am painting this, no actually that, well maybe this. With the end result of nothing really getting done other than a random Blood Raven because i could. Pics down below.
I tried motivating myself by participating in a Tale of 6 wargamers. But at the moment 40k just isn't my mental bag.

 So I have decided to try and focus on Age of Sigmar. The ever helpful Mrs has suggested trying to just paint 1 or 2 models at a time instead of full units as i tend to get bored very quickly. In her mind i can usually knock out a single model in a day or 2. So if i break units down into 1 or 2 models, i should progress through a unit ever couple of weeks. Sure it's not batch painting instant army speed. But its better than the current 0 models painted for AOS count.

To help along with the motivation i have also signed up for Games Workshop Norwich's '100' challenge. Which is exactly what it says on the tin. Paint 100 models in a year with quarterly 25 model targets. If you achieve each target you get 1 part of a 4 part art work as a reward and also should have a ton of models in time for 'Armies on Parade' which is something i would like to try and take part in.
So that's the long term plan which i also hope to nudge along with doing my own little #hobbystreak thing on twitter. Basically, at least 30 minutes of hobby a day and build as bigger of a streak as i can. It us shamefully stolen from one that surface late 2016 early 2017. But it should help.

So the final part of this conundrum was the army. Realistically it has to be the Stormcast Eternals. I can already field in excess of 2000 points worth of them and probably a lot more with the stuff that isnt in my intended 'list'. Add to that, when i went to Warhammer World last year. I went a little bit 'frothy, foaming, psychotic hobbyist' at how good the Stormcast Eternal armies look in the display cabinets and when you look at them closely. Most are painted to a standard we can all achieve.

I can't truly afford to buy into another army this year as i have the trip in February, a trip to London in June to see Bon Jovi at Wembley Stadium (yeah i know, you probably think typical old guy music choice sucks') which is also partnered with a trip to Chessington World of Adventures for 7 of us to celebrate my daughter finishing her exams. That pretty much guarantees financial ruin lol.

So that's the whole New year, new me, well not really but kinda.

And this pretty much sums up last years completed hobby.

Not dead...yet

Welcome back.

So its been a quiet few weeks on the blog...well ok months.
But that's been down to a lot of reorganising the house, work, and hobby related goings on. Oh and the chaos of chrimbo prep. 

The last posts were about getting the new urbanmatz table and gaming mat and the 'wake the dead' set.
Well the table and mat were part of a longer plan to reorganise the front room into a gaming friendly space. That is complete. Along with paint racks on the wall, more space for the table after a massive move about of furniture and the arrival of 2 ikea detolf cabinets! Yat safe display space at last!.

Alongside that we went a little Age of Sigma crazy and can field 2k points of stormcast eternals and nighthaunt in bigger games. 
Aquired a metric ton of 2nd/3rd ed stuff including full armies for chaos marines, space marines including some 2nd ed mono pose marines! and a ton of eldar including a unit of every classic aspect warrior in metal including all the phoenix lords. SCORE!.

There's also been a lot of gaming and some painting. Mostly though as is the way its been assembling models like a loon alongside trying to learn the games.

There's the glorious idea of 2 weeks off work coming up from Christmas eve. So i am hoping to get in some decent hobby and gaming over that time if the kids allow it. But there's also another soul wars box to assemble, some sylvaneth for me and whatever else santa brings lol.

The other night was an odd one though. Got the itch to paint a marine. Grabbed one of the conquest issue one marines and 5 hours later....i had a Blood Raven fully painted and based. That just never happens. But it got a bit a mental block moving and it now appears i want to work on both a Death Guard army and alongside an Iron Raven army ala Paul Norton  @ajuntapaulpal 

I have done some Iron Raven stuff previously and loved the way it looked. So watch this space.

Anyway enough drivel. Some pics from the last few weeks and some of the Iron Raven stuff.

If i don't post before hand. Have a fantastic Christmas everyone and may Santa fill you stockings with toys.

 

The weeks end and time to wake the dead.

Another day and all that.

So it's been a quieter week this week. Mostly due to work being the more dominant feature of life.

But between shifts i have been working on the Soul Wars boxed set from Age of Sigmar.
I managed to assembled the Stormcast Eternals half for myself earlier in the week and over the last few days i have finished the Nighthaunt half for Carol.

We are really looking forward to trying out Age of Sigmar at long last and i hope joining it now as the second edition settles in, will prove to be a wise decision,

Today this beast arrived after being preordered at Warhammer World last weekend,

My plan is to try and get this cleaned and assembled tomorrow evening mostly. That is if i can move and function after a day of Airsoft.
40k provides more of a difficult decision for yours truly.
I have no real love for any army in 40k anymore besides the Space Wolves. But 30 years of painting space marine armour has really jaded my feelings about anything to do with the Astartes legions. On the flip side i like painting the clean lines of the aeldari. But i have no love for the army.
The new Orks really appeal. But i am more of a clean lines painter and my previous attempts to paint Orks have failed miserably as i just cant do the more rough and ready look of them.
Guess time will tell on this one. I would honestly love to go full tilt back into 40k, I just don't know which way to turn with it.

Anyway.Too much plastic glue, not enough sleep and a heck of a week at work have meant. It's time to sign off from the hobby world for the evening. I will try to write a UrbanMatz table review when i next get the chance. So it is coming...just slowly.

What a few days.

Hi folks,
nope the blog hasn't gone dead again. It's just been a manic few days. Expensive, exciting, exhausting but great.
So where to start.
Well lets skip back to Saturday. As anyone who read Fridays post, follows me on twitter or even Facebook will attest. I went to Warhammer world in Nottingham.
Obligatory Rhino APC pic.

And what a day it was. Left the house just after 6am and go home just before 10pm. Shattered. pretty broke and loving life.
You see when we left we were just playing Middle earth sbg. But when we came back...well. Middle earth sbg, Age of sigmar and had per-ordered the new 40k 'Wake the dead'. So that was one heck of a visit. But if you have ever been  Warhammer World, then you know just how amazing a place it is. Hobby heaven. We spent loads...and i mean loads. We feasted at Bugman and we trawled the shops before drooling over the cabinets in the exhibition halls. 100's of pics were taken and old embers of the hobby were fanned into raging infernos.
This was the haul from the day minus the pre-ordered 40k set.

A might haul indeed i think you will agree.

Yesterday was spent recovering, picking up some supplies and ordering some new painting lamps, a ton of scenery from Amera Plastics and finally a pair of  'Detolf' glass display cabinets and lighting from Ikea.

Today and it was like Christmas. The lamps arrived and will be helpful over the coming dark months of winter. But the big item finally arrived. The folding table and mat from the folks at UrbanMatz.

I have done a 2 part review (as i cant seem to get 2 videos to merge into 1 curse you windows 10).

But suffice to say. Well impressed. I will probably do another blog post later with a written review of the pair. But for now here is a link to my very amateur video review.

So yeah...i dont like going having my pic taken, let alone going on camera. But thats a review done for a few folks that asked for one. Once the scenery turns up i will pop up my thoughts on that, same with the Detolf cabinets when they arrive. There will also be hobby updates once my brain unscrambles from the last few days and i settle back into the daily grind of work :(

Thats it for today from one tire but massively enthused hobbyist

Waaaaarrrrrrrrrr

So as promised, today was a day to learn to play Middle earth sbg. My only experience of it previously being some 15 or so years ago and Carols experience being non existent. So it was a slow going process with lots of page flipping and head scratching.

We decided to give the first scenario in the Pellanor fields book a go a couple of times to try and get our heads around the rules.
24 Moranon orcs vs 12 riders of Rohan. Mission- get 7 riders or more off the table for victory, 6 for a draw and any less a defeat for the rohirrim.
I took the orcs and Carol took the Rohirrim.

Game 1 was played and victory went to the Orcs.

A battle report from Carols perspective can be found on her blog -  https://lairofthegamesmistress.wordpress.com/2018/09/28/charge-of-the-rohirrim/

So a brief respite for food drinks and round 2 was upon on us, Same game, same sides. Would the outcome be any different.

Carol rearranged the table a little. We lack much scenery so please excuse the lack of it and rather shady bits we did use.

Turn 1 saw the Rohirrim move forward to unleash volleys of arrows to no avail. The orcs had politely moved up into range to help. Guess they hadn't taken lessons from Legolas at this point.
The field looked like this.

Turn 2 saw the orcs advance further whilst the Rohirrim held their line and unleashed another volley or arrows and spears. But again there was no effect on the orc lines.

There was some appalling dice rolling but i reckon it was the orcs doing this that put the pretty little Rohirrim off their aim

Turn 3 saw more of the same. Orcs advancing under the withering hail or Rohan arrows. But the orcs were not 'cracking' and still no casualties were taken.

Turn 4 and the dancing came to an end. With a mighty roar the orcs stole the priority for the first time and charged headlong into the sons of Rohan. That was about all that was mighty though.

The clash of steel and wood, mixed with the screams of the dying and whinnying off horses as battle got personal. At the end of the fight orcs lay dying alongside a lone Rohan horseman.

The pile of shame.

 Turn 5 and some shuffling, some scrapping, a few spears and some poor souls trampled under hoof as the combat got bitter. More orcs died, but another Rohirrim was dragged from his saddle. But the orc lines were breaking and holes began to appear.

Turn 6 and the Rohirrim sensed their moment and started to make for Gondor or the table edge as we know it. With the orcs frantically chasing after them

Turn 7 saw the priority switch back to the orcs and they desperately tried to delay the Rohirrim escape....and mostly failed. Lives were lost clinging desperately to the speeding horses.

Turn 8 and with the casualties rising and Saurons eye scowling down on them, many orcs fled int0 the wilds. All bar 2 suicidal maniacs that is.

With priority on their side they charged the Rohirrim, desperate to stop too many escaping. Could they hold the line and allow the ill tempered kin to sack Gondor.

They could surely try. Slaying 2 more Rohirrim and taking the toll to 6. They fought like the feral beasts they were.
But then like the fickle hand of fate likes to show. The courage of the lone orc fighting the 3 Rohirrim failed and he fled leaving the lone orc to watch helplessly as the final few Rohirrim charged off the table.
The end result a draw. But it felt like a win.

A thoroughly enjoyable couple of games. We are looking forward to expanding the rules and taking on the challenge of learning more.

Oh and apparently. Our new table is now in the UK with parcel force. So close.

Tomorrow there is unlikely to be any update as we are going on an adventure!!!! To Warhammer World! 

The age of man is over.

So today....
Definitely not my most productive day to be honest.
Fur rocket walked.
Return of the king watched.
Red colour complete on all 36 moranon orcs. Not much more than that.

But it was a tad slow going trying to get back into the finer details of painting again. So it was also good progress.

Here's the supporting pic

Tomorrow will be the day we try and learn to play the game. From the ground up. Sadly it will be on an old ad-hoc table as they new one still seems to be stranded in Germany, at least it was last update.
Current state of mind on the delivery

Having sat down and watched the entire story hobbit through to Lord of the rings on extended edition. I have to say how much more enjoyable the films are. There was so much missing that it felt like watching them for the first time all over again.
If you haven't had the chance to do it, i highly suggest trying it out.

Until tomorrow....